she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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