you traded sex for a burrito?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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