p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
