I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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