The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
