fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
