I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
where does the pee come out of this thing
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
