Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
