Will you blow on my dice?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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