i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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