Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
