She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
