So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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