I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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