You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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