the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
