i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just want nice things and good sex
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
