Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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