Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
