I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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