He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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