Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She's the barista slut.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
