I think I am morally bankrupt
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
