Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
