So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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