We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
