Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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