just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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