Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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