My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
