we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
