Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
