dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
