is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
