He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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