we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
