you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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