I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
