I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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