What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
