it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
