Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
