One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
