i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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