Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
A bitchslap is in order.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
