Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I need to calm my uterus...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I need a beard to bite.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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