Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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