i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
