# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
