Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
