when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
