i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
