:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
