For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
