hotel room ftw
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
