I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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