I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
