Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
